Metropolis Halloween Special
by Rocku
Summary: Come one, come all! Witness Duke Red travel back in time, Rock's crazy twin brother that lives in the attic, and the dark power of the shinning! (pronounced shin-ning. I ain't getting sued again.) Original plot taken from a Simpsons episode.
1. The Shinning

Author's Notes: I'll start by saying this is not my idea. This was a Simpsons Halloween special that aired in 94 or 95. I recently bought the DVD with this particular episode because I believe it was one of the best episodes ever compiled for the series. That being said, wouldn't it be fun if we took that episode and replaced all of the Simpsons characters with ones from Metropolis? No? Well to bad, I'm writing it anyway...

Disclaimer: (see above)

..

Enmy walks out from behind a red curtain. She is alone and a spotlight beams down on her.

Enmy: Hello and welcome to this years Metropolis Halloween Special.

Rock in the audience: Woo! Yeah! Metropolis! (takes off shirt, spins it around)

Everyone: .........

Duke Red: Sit your stupid ass down.

Enmy: Now, I must warn you parents out there that this Halloween Special is very scary. So, if you have little ones running around, you may want to tuck them into bed. (stage hand gives her a note, she reads it) Oh dear.... it appears this episode is SO scary, that Congress won't even let us show it! Instead they suggested the 1947 classic movie 200 miles to Oregon.

Rock: Hey, this movie isn't scary...

Duke Red: Shh! Quiet! I'm trying to watch cowboys spit in buckets.

(scared yet?)

..

Part 1: The Shinning (shin-ning)

Tuesday

Duke Red, Tima, Rock, Enmy, and grandpa Red (Duke Red's father) are driving on a long and narrow road on a mountain side. They're on their way to President Boon's winter lodge in a deep wooded area.

Duke Red: Well, it's been a long trip, but we're finally almost there.

Enmy: Sir, did you remember to lock the front door before we left?

Duke Red: Ah, crap!

Wednesday

Duke Red: Well, it's been two long trips, but we're finally almost there again.

Enmy: When you locked the front door, did you remember to lock the back door?

Duke Red: CRAP!

Thursday

Duke Red: ........

Enmy: .........

Tima: Oh no! We left grandpa back at the gas station!

Duke Red: .......

Enmy: ........

Tima: .....What about grandpa?

The car pulls into the drive way of President Boon's lodge (is it just me or does that sound really dirty?). They all get out of the car and look up at the giant winter home. Boon is peering out of one of the top windows.

Boon: Look, Lamp. The sea monkeys I ordered have arrived.

Lamp: Sir, those are the winter care takers for the lodge. You asked them to stay for a month to look after the place while you were on vacation.

Boon: Ah yes.... and what a winter it will be.... (evil smile)

(Uh Oh! He's plotting something!)

Scene 2

Boon is showing Duke Red and the others around his lodge (I'm gonna stop saying that now).

Boon: Now this house has a very interesting and colorful history. It was built on ancient Indian burial grounds, was involved in satanic rituals, witch burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials.

Duke Red: (shudder) Auuugh, John Denver...

They get to the elevator. The doors of the elevator open and blood comes pouring out.

Boon: Hm. That's odd. Usually the blood gets off on the second floor.

Scene 3

Lynny is outside the lodge watering a giant hedge maze. Rock uses an electric saw to make a passage right through the shrubbery walls instead of trying to find his way through it.

Rock: Hey! I found a short cut through your hedge maze!

Lynny: Grrr.... why you little...!

Lynny's brain: No. Don't yell at him. Remember, his father's going to go crazy, and chop all of them into haggis!

Rock: What's 

Lynny: (gasp) You read my mind! Boy, you've got the shinning!

Rock: Don't you mean shine-ing?

Lynny: Shh! (shifty eyes) You wanna get sued? Now listen, if your dad goes gaga, you just use that SHIN of yours, and I'll come running. But don't be reading my mind between 4 and 5! That's Lynny's time!

Scene 4

After Lamp brings twelve crates of beer out to the President's car, he then cuts the cord for the cable.

Boon: Excellent. By making sure that all alcoholic beverages are out of the house, and that cable won't rot their minds, I can ensure a period of hard and diligent winter work from my care takers.

Lamp: (closes trunk) Sir, did you ever think that maybe it was doing THIS that caused the previous care takers to go insane and murder their families?

Boon: Hm, maybe you're right. Tell you what, we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a coke. (They drive away in the car)

Scene 5

Duke Red is on the couch, Rock and Tima are playing Scrabble, and Enmy in ironing some clothes.

Rock: A ha! That's 20 points for me!

Tima: That's not even a word!

Rock: Isn't it?

Tima: DAAAAD! Rock's being weird again!

Duke Red: Rock, stop being weird. Tima, stop whining. Enmy, isn't my shirt done yet?

Enmy: Sorry, but the plug to the iron won't fit into any of the electrical sockets. (puts iron next to a lamp to heat it up) Yeah, this may take a while....

Duke Red: (picks up clicker, flips through channels, every channel is static) Hm. What do ya know. Cable's out. (walks into kitchen) I think I'll go get a beer. (opens fridge) Hm. No beer either. (calmly closes door)

Enmy: Sir, I'm very proud! You're taking this well.

Duke Red: I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!!!

Rock and Tima: AHHHH!!!

Enmy: Sir?

Duke Red: Sorry, sorry. I'll just take a walk around the house to clear my head. Maybe I'll go check out that ax collection. (closes kitchen door, opens it again, sticks his head in) See you later.... heh, heh, heh....(closes door)

Tima: Enmy, is my dad going to kill us?

Enmy: We'll just have to wait and see.

Scene 6

Duke Red is sitting at the bar in the lodge's abandon ballroom. Suddenly, a ghost of HamEgg appears.

HamEgg: Hey Red. So, what'll it be?

Duke Red: Meh, just gimme a beer.

HamEgg: No.

Duke Red: No?

HamEgg: Not unless you kill your family.

Duke Red: Why should I kill my family?

HamEgg: Ummm... (thinks of reason) They'd be much happier as ghosts.

Duke Red: You don't look so happy.

HamEgg: Oh I'm happy. I'm very happy! La la la da dee doo! Now waste your family and I'll give you a beer! (shakes fist)

Scene 7

Rock is snooping around a large study looking for the Duke. It's dark and thundering outside.

Rock: Dad? Daddy? (sees a single typewriter on a table) What he's typed will be a window into his madness. (reads what the Duke has typed)

feelin' fine.

Rock: Well, that's a relief.

There is a crash of thunder and a flash of lighting. The lighting illuminates the dark room making the walls visible. On all of the walls written hundreds of times in red are the words No beer and no T.V make Duke Red go crazy.

Rock: Hmmm. This is less encouraging.

Duke Red: (kicks down door) BOO!!!

Rock: AHHH!!!

Duke Red: So what do ya think, Rock? All I need is a title. I was thinking along the lines of No beer and no T.V make Duke Red go.... uhhhh.... something... something....

Rock: Go crazy?

Duke Red: Don't mind if I do!!! WAAAAAAGAL Mumph POT SCITATAL SCHMOOKIEDAN UN GABBA GABBA WOO WOO WOO WOO!!!!! (running around flailing arms everywhere)

Rock: AHHHHHH!!!! (runs away in fear, breaks glass case with a bat inside, case reads break incase of parental insanity. Rock grabs the bat and runs up a long flight of stairs, swinging the bat at Duke Red who is close behind him)

Duke Red: Gimme the bat Rock! C'mon, gimme the bat! Gimme the bat bo bwua waa!!! Muah haa haaa! Scaredy cat! (makes a weird face, looks in mirror next to stairs) AHHHH!!! (looses balance, falls down stairs and gets knocked out)

Rock: (drags Duke Red into the food pantry) Now you stay here till you're no longer insane. (looks on one of the shelves) Alright! Sloppy Joe mix! (skips out happily)

Scene 8

Duke Red is sitting on the floor eating all the food in the pantry. There is a knock on the door.

HamEgg: Red? It's me. Listen, some of the other ghouls and I are worried that the project hasn't fully taken off yet.

Duke Red: Can't murder now. Eating.

HamEgg: Oh for God's sake... (HamEgg, bigfoot, count choculla, the wolfman, some random mummy, and Kathy Lee burst open the pantry door and drag Duke Red away)

Scene 9

Duke Red: (chops a hole in a door with an ax, sticks his head in) Heeeeeeere's Dukie!!! (realizes the room is empty) Damnit!

Scene 10

Duke Red: (chops a hole in another door, sticks his head in) Daaaaaavid Letterman!!!

Grandpa Red: Hi David, I'm grandpa!

Duke Red: DAMNIT!

Scene 11

Duke Red: (chops a hole through third and final door, sticks his head in, holds up ticking pocket watch) I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley! All this with Andy Rooney tonight on 60 Minutes!!!

Enmy, Rock and Tima: AHHHHH!!!!!

The three dash up from the kitchen table and run down the hall, an ax wielding Duke Red close behind them. They run into a small room and lock the door. Enmy picks up a radio communicator.

Enmy: Hello, police? My boss is on a murderous rampage! Over.

Inspector Tawashi: (listening to the incoming emergency) Well thank God that's over. I was starting to get worried there. (switches off radio)

Enmy: There's no answer!

Rock: Don't worry. I can use my....(dramatic pause) SHINNING to call Lynny. (furrows his eyebrows in thought and concentration)

Meanwhile...

Lynny is sitting in her bed watching a small, portable television.

Reporter on T.V: ....and that was the first time she ever flew a plane...

Lynny: (jumps out of bed) Oh no! The boy and his family are in trouble! (runs out of house and into the snow wearing her pajamas, throws portable television in the snow) I'm coming to rescue the lot of ya!

Lynny: (bursts through door of lodge) Alright ya looney bin! Show me what you got!

Duke Red: (stabs her in the back with an ax)

Lynny: Augh! Is that the best you can do? (falls over dead, gets blood all over a rug)

Enmy: (hiding behind a curtain with Tima and Rock) Oh dear... I hope that rug was scotch guarded.

Duke Red: (takes a new ax off wall) Must....kill.....everyone.....

Enmy, Tima and Rock run out of the house into the cold and snow, Duke Red close behind them. Tima trips and falls over. Luckily, it happened to be at the exact spot that Lynny threw her portable television. As Duke Red lifts up the ax, Tima holds up the television set, fully functional and turned on.

Tima: Dad! Look!!!

Duke Red: (gasps, drops the ax, grabs the T.V) TELEVISION! Teacher! Mother! Secret lover.... (shifty eyes) My urge to kill....fading..... fading...... RISING!!!..... fading....... fading......... gone.

Enmy, Tima and Rock: (sigh in relief)

Duke Red: Come, my friends. Sit in the snow with me and let us all bask in televisions warm glowing warming glow.

3 Hours Later

All four of them are still sitting in the snow watching the T.V. All their limbs are frozen in place.

Announcer: Live from Broadway, it's The Tony Awards!

Rock: Dad! Change channel!

Duke Red: Can't! Frozen!

(Horrible singing and dancing commence on the T.V. screen)

Duke Red: Urge to kill........rising.......

..

Author's Notes: This will be updated quickly, just to get it out of the way and continue working on more important stories. But, send reviews if you want to see Duke Red travel through time and Rock's evil twin brother that lives in the attic. Toodle loo.


	2. Time and Punishment

Watching this segment again reminded me how much fun I had writing chapter one. So here's chapter two, three and a half years later!

For those who don't know, the Simpsons short "Time and Punishment" was a parody of Ray Bradbury's _A Sound of Thunder_. The name, however, is a play off the title of the novel _Crime and Punishment_, written by Dostoevsky. Why bring this up? It just so happens Tezuka wrote a manga loosely based off of Dostoevsky's novel, and called it by the same name.

The universe is so very small.

**TIME AND PUNISHMENT**

Duke Red sits at a long, fancy table with his two children, eating a delicious breakfast at the start of a beautiful day.

Duke Red: You know, sitting here with you guys, in our beautiful house, in this wonderful, free country... it really makes me feel like I'm a lucky guy.

Tima: DAD! Your hand is jammed in the TOASTER!!!

Duke Red: ...what the? Oh merciful GOD IN HEAVEN GET IT OFF! (runs screaming around kitchen, slamming the toaster into many things trying to get it off) #$ing LORD NO!!! (finally gets it off) phew! (slides down wall till he's sitting on the floor)

Rock: DAD it's in there AGAIN!!!

Duke: GOD KILL ME!!!! (slams toaster on floor repeatedly)

scene 2

The toaster is finally off for good and Duke Red has taken it into his office to try and fix it.

Duke Red: This shouldn't be too hard to fix. With the right tools, of course. (picks up a stone, starts hitting it against toaster)

6 hours later...

Duke Red: There! Better than new! (toaster has Christmas tree lights and leaves sticking out of it) Now to take her for a test toast.

He sticks a piece of bread inside and starts her up. Immediately, the toaster begins to shake and change color.

Duke Red: ...what the?

He goes to turn off the toaster, but as he touches it, a space time continuum opens up and he and the kitchen appliance are transported back in time...

To when dinosaurs roamed the earth!

Duke Red: (looks around amazed) Wow! I've gone back to a time where dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos!

A pterodactyl swoops down and screeches.

Duke Red: AHHH! Phew, alright don't panic. Just remember the advice your father gave you on your wedding day...

Grandpa Red in a thought bubble: If you ever go back in time, don't step on anything! 'Cause even the slightest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine!

Duke Red: Alright then. As long as I stay perfectly still and don't touch anything, I won't destroy the future. (a bug lands on his shoulder) Oh, you wanna dance???!!! (squashes it) Ooops. Well, that was just a tiny, insignificant bug! That can't alter the future, can it? Can it???

Giant Sloth walking by: (shrugs shoulders)

The toast finally pops up and Duke Red is once again transported back to the present time.

Duke Red: Hm. Everything seems to be in order here. Better check on the kids.

He goes downstairs into the kitchen, where, oddly enough, both Rock and Tima are still sitting eating breakfast.

Duke Red: Oh good! Nothings changed.

All of a sudden, a loud beeping is heard, and Tima and Rock rise from the table like zombies and turn to a large screen that has suddenly transformed out of the kitchen floor. The screen flickers, and soon, Skunk's pasty white features come into view.

Duke Red: Oh son of a bitch.

Skunk: Good morning, slaves.

Tima and Rock: (monotone) Hidy ho Mr. Skunk-er-ino.

Duke Red: Hey! What the hells that a-hole Skunk doing on a giant screen?

An alarm in the kitchen goes off.

Skunk: Oop! I see with have a Negative Nancy in sector 2. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you guys to just freeze and prepare for re-skunk-ucation!

Rock turns to Duke Red with drool hanging from his mouth.

Rock: Why, father. Don't you remember? Skunk is the unquestioned lord and master of the earth.

Duke Red: SON OF A BITCH!

The house begins to move on it's own and is taken to the re-skunk-ucation center. Outside the motto reads "Where the Elite meet to have their spirits broken." Inside, Duke Red finds himself in a large room with hundreds of other people looking up at a giant screen where Skunk begins to address them.

Skunk: Now in case that little trip didn't cheer you up, there's one thing that never fails. A warm glass of milk, a little nap, and a total frontal lobotomy!

Duke Red: ...a what???

Ham Egg appears looking a little paler and more lethargic than usual.

Ham Egg: Aw Red, it's not so bad. They go in through your nose, and they let you keep the piece of brain they cut out. See? (holds up a jar filled with green liquid and a little piece of brain floating inside. Ham Egg waves to it) Hello! Hello there! (points to Duke Red) Who's that big man there? Who's that?

Rock and Tima: Join us... faaaatheeer...

Duke Red turns around to see Rock and Tima both holding up jars with pieces of brain inside.

Rock: It's bliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssss...

Duke Red: NOOOOO! (runs back to house) Must go back in time! Fix future!

He pushes the toast back into the machine and is once again transported back in time...

To when dinosaurs roamed the earth!

Duke Red: Okay, this time I'm not gonna touch a thing.

A t-rex appears and roars.

Duke Red: Ahhh! (runs away jumping over bushes and lizards and rocks trying not to squash anything) Mustn't crush, mustn't kill, made it! (He sits down on a fish that has evolved and crawled out of the water) oooooh, I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.

The toast pops up and Duke Red finds himself back in his office. He runs around the house looking for Tima and Rock but finds it completely empty.

Duke Red: Hey, where is everyone...?

Suddenly, the house begins to shake violently and the roof is ripped right off. Duke Red looks up and sees two giant versions of his children peering down at him.

Rock: Hey look, there's a bug that looks like dad. Let's kill it!

Tima: (laughs) okay

Duke Red: WAAAAAGH! (runs away barely missing two giant fists.)

He pushes the toast back in, only to be transported back in time...

To when dinosaurs roamed the earth!

He arrives panting and is once again threatened by the same t-rex.

Duke Red: GGGAAAAHHH!!!!--aaaaCHOO! (sneezes on t-rex's face)

The t-rex sniffs the air and then drops dead. This causes a chain reaction and soon every dinosaur in view is keeling over and dying.

Duke Red: This is gonna coast me...

The toast pops up and Duke Red is transported back to his office, which is much fancier than before. Although that seems highly unlikely. He runs downstairs and finds Tima in an expensive dress with diamonds attached to it, sitting at an even bigger table being waited on by 20 servants.

Duke Red: Aw snap!

Tima: (gets up and hands him the paper) Good morning, father! I hope you're well?

Duke Red: Indeed I am!

Tima: Are we taking the new Lexis to the president's funeral today?

Duke Red: (thinking) Hmmm, well behaved daughter, political opponent dead... I hit the jackpot! (sits down at table) Hey, where's Rock?

Tima: Who's Rock?

Duke Red: Oh, this just keeps getting better and better!

Tima: Oh look! Here's mother!

Walking down the spiral staircase is a heavily pregnant woman in her early thirties wearing a bright red dress. As she gets closer, we realize it's Rock.

Roquett: Good morning, dear!

Duke Red: DEAR CHRIST STRIKE MY EYES WITH LIGHTNING AND MAKE ME BLIND! (runs down into the basement with the toaster)

Roquett: My water broke!

After another fiasco with the dinosaurs, Duke Red is transported back into his basement. He very cautiously makes his way up the stairs and opens the door. Starring back at him is Lynny.

Lynny: You're still not in your own world, Duke Red! I can get you home, but you have to do exactly as I... AAAGHCCK!!! (Kenichi stabs her in the back with an ax)

Kenichi: (in the voice of James Earl Jones) This is indeed a disturbing universe.

Duke Red once again travels back to where the dinosaurs are, but this time he brings a bat.

Duke Red: Don't touch anything??? I'LL TOUCH WHATEVER I FEEL LIKE!!! (hits a bunch of trees, kicks a sloth in the face, steps on a bunch of lizards, punches a giant moth in the stomach, smacks around a baby monkey...)

Duke Red repeats this back and forth fiasco a good hundred more times, each world more grotesque and horrifying than the last. The universe shifts and changes. Their house turns into an igloo, a stone house very similar to the Flinstones, the original McDonalds, an underwater sea castle, a giant boot, and a sphinx with Rock's head on it.

Centuries, maybe millennium afterwards, Duke Red finds himself once again in his basement holding the toaster. He is exhausted and panting, but makes his way up the stairs and shakily opens the door. On the other side he sees Rock and Tima setting the table for breakfast. Rock turns around and smiles.

Rock: Fix it yet?

Duke Red: (runs up and starts shaking him) What's my name?! What color is the sky?! Are you PREGNANT?! For the love of God tell me!!!

Rock: Er... uh, you're Duke Red, the sky is blue, and no I'm not pregnant, but thank you for reminding me. Now what's gotten into you?

Duke Red: Nothing, nothing at all. Let's just eat.

They sit down at the table, Rock and Tima immediately start eating their breakfast with forked like tongues.

Duke Red: ... Eh, close enough.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


End file.
